


The Desire to be Normal

by Inuzukas_Bitch



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual ShikaNeji, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Exploitation, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Manipulation, Neck Kissing, Rough Kissing, Sexual Humor, ShikaNeji-Freeform, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-15 19:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18079592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inuzukas_Bitch/pseuds/Inuzukas_Bitch
Summary: Everything had been taken from him at such an early age, he wasn’t able to call himself ‘Normal’ anymore. He was told his father had died suddenly, natural causes, bullshit; in reality, was murdered, his mother was some whore his father had been infatuated at the time with. His uncle had been confiscating any bit of hope he had to call himself normal but the reasons given for such things: his father would have wanted it, his uncle knew what was best.





	1. Chapter 1

Everything had been taken from him at such an early age, he wasn’t able to call himself _‘Normal’_ anymore. He was told his father had died suddenly, natural causes, _bullshit_ ; in reality, was murdered, his mother was some whore his father had been infatuated at the time with. His uncle had been confiscating any bit of hope he had to call himself normal but the reasons given for such things: his father would have wanted it, his uncle knew what was best.

He never defied his uncles' orders but this was one thing Neji demanded because the lifestyle his family had chosen for him was definitely not compatible with the mindset he had been given. The bullshit he had put up with since his father died was astonishing, keeping secrets, keeping his mouth shut, keeping himself under lock and key; it wasn’t ideal. Now at the age of nineteen, he had requested to alter his pathway his uncle had chosen: Yakuza.

To a more beneficial, typical life people his age should be able to grasp and touch but at this rate, he wouldn’t.

Neji ran his hand through his long hair three times in quick succession, fixing his uncle in a stare that could have frozen the Pacific. He snarled more than spoke, he had never disrespected his uncle but this was a one-thing he couldn't allow his uncle to take away from him, “You're not my father.” That deterrent would have worked on anyone, but he should have known such a pathetic remark wouldn't change his uncles' mind let alone demand.

“Neji. You don't know what you are saying, your father left you in my care, so under my care you will do as I say.”

“My father had no say in the matter: He was killed.” Neji’s cold glare didn’t falter nor did his stern underlying to his tone, “Killed because of _your careless actions_ , he took your place.”

“Are you implying that I through various actions killed my brother? Blood is thicker than water Neji, there was nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep your father alive,” Hiashi took a step towards his Neji, not taking his eyes off the rebellious teen, a vein almost popping in his temple and his fists tightly clenched, “I know how hard it can be living without a father but that doesn’t justify your rudeness.”

“I just want what I deserve!” Neji demanded, his fist tightening on the sleeve of his shirt, “ I want to have a taste of the normal life. Instead of forcing myself to be like you, a cold-blooded murderer.”

“I don’t kill without cause.” Hiashi took another step forwards, now almost nose to nose with Neji, “ Who bought your father killers to justice?”

“Justice is the law-enforcers job. Not your lackeys' hands and weapons, I-” Hiashi’s stony expression stayed intact, Neji’s rages seem pointless to Hiashi, although he never said so, It was written over his face as Neji spoke.

He was red in the face, face the color of an over-ripe tomato, red as a brick, eyes squinting meanly, developed a tic, his eyes looked like they might pop out, fists clenched, hard staring eyes, he slammed fist down onto the table, his voice with hard edge, shouting venomously, “I demand to get the same treatment as your daughters, I’m your nephew, not some lackey demanding a raise.” Hiashi stifled a short laugh, Neji’s eyes squinted again: did his uncle think his misfortune was humorous? “I’ll allow you to do what you desire but-”

“There’s always a cost with you.”

The slap he received was as loud as a clap and stung his face. It had been an open-handed smack and it had left a red welt behind on his pale skin: something a rebellious child would receive after a tantrum. Just below his eye was a small cut where the family ring had caught him. He staggered backward, clutching his face. His uncle stared at him with a stance that oozed dominance in the situation, “If you continue the unwanted defiance, I will have to retract any privileges given to you--like the family name.” he specified, thoughtlessly

“I see.”

“You do? Tell me what you see, Neji.” He commented on his request, it wasn’t a question but a demand.

He thought over the demand before opening his mouth then reluctantly shutting it again, “You don’t see what I see.” Hiashi said.

“I don’t.” He bit his inner cheek under the heavy weights of pressure.

“As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, I will give you the thing you want but your father would have wanted me to watch over you.” Hiashi explained taking a seat at the desk in his office they were currently in, “To make sure you don’t do anything that will disrupt business, eyes will be watching your every move--moderately of course.”

“Watching me? I have done nothing but put this family first, I don’t need to be monitored, like a caged animal.” Neji spewed, aggravated at his uncles' actions. “You have cause past disruptions with the Uchiha boy.” Hiashi sternly stated, this made Neji wince, his uncle smiled at the minute action, “That could have cost us everything. You're forever in your families debt.”

“I know uncle.” How could he have forgotten? He could have cost his family everything, “I was stupid and foolish, I know.”

“Tokuma will be watching over you, taking you to and from the college grounds,” Hiashi said, slowly continuing, “If you wish to peruse any relationship be mindful if you tarnish the family name. Hizashi’s request to protect you will hold no merit.”

“I understand.” “If I can pull enough strings, Tsunade Senju should allow you to attend that college you lust for within the week.” Hiashi pulled his phone from his inner pocket and from Neji’s angle he seemed to be looking for a contact.

Neji made sure to not slam the door on his way out some of the other Hyuuga men enter the room he had just vacated, keeping his head down with his long hair covering his face he traveled to his bedroom.

* * *

 

That was months ago, but he still felt on edge and the same chill from his uncles' very words ** _‘Hizashi’s request to protect you will hold no merit’_** He was willing to eradicate Neji, his brothers' son, from the family.

* * *

 

The silver-grey Mercedes S600 cruised down the freeway, traveling south. Neji was sitting in the front passenger seat with so much soft leather around him that he could barely hear the 389 horsepower, 6-liter engine.

At eighty miles per hour, the engine was only idling. But Neji could feel the power of the car. One hundred thousand pounds worth of German engineering. One touch from the unsmiling driver, Tokuma, the Mercedes would leap forwards. This was a car that simultaneously sneered at speed limits as much as the person behind the wheel.

“Tokuma, I would like it if you didn’t drive like a lunatic every time we travel to my college.” Neji pleaded, taking a hold of the car door handle, “I don’t think uncle would appreciate it, endangering me.”

“Neji. Stop being such a baby, don’t you want to make an entrance to college.” Tokuma pouted behind the wheel side eyeing Neji. “Yeah, the first day. Not for five months consecutively,” Neji drawled still holding a firm grip on the door handle, “It’s embarrassing, I wanted a normal life. Not one that still makes me look like a pompous jerk, which now I have to hold up that façade they have placed on me.”

“I mean you have a handsome guy like me taking you to college I guess that would make people envious,” Tokuma joked, hands stroking the wheel, the almost soundless changing of the gears, the pattern of traffic lights, “I’m surprised you think of yourself as handsome.” Neji snorted.

“I’m more surprised that you aren’t all over me but Hiashi would defiantly have me castrated.”

“You’re a good bodyguard, I doubt he would have your manhood removed. I'll plead in your corner if anything goes wrong.” Neji stated as the car rounded the corner and was pulling up to the front gates, spotting Sasuke at the gates he unbuckled his seat belt, leaning down grabbing his bag. Just as he was about to leave Tokuma grabbed his wrist Neji turned towards him, “Tokuma?”

“I know what Uchiha over there said to you yesterday.” Tokuma revealed while Neji ripped his wrist from his grip, “I won't tell your uncle because it’s your own business, and he will find out regardless, but I suggest you stay well away from Itachi” Tokuma warned displaying his underlining worry about the Hyuuga.

“Tokuma. There’s no need to worry, that’s well in the past.” Neji reconciled with a small smile to relieving Tokuma of his worry, Tokuma for Neji was like an older brother he never had the chance to have always looking out for him and protecting him there was a time in Neji's life where his cousins thought he was infatuated with him: he was not, “You worry too much, it's hard to believe you have killed before.”

Tokuma‘s loud laugh startled Neji briefly, “Killers can have a heart,”

Neji grinned, “I guess, but Sasuke’s waiting and from the position he is in, he is shifting impatiently.” He pointed towards the Uchiha near the gates, Neji’s eyes averted back to Tokuma who was staring at him, “I’ll be out by four, back gates and uh-” Neji took his finger and placed it on a mark on Tokuma’s Neck, “You’ll have to tell me about the lucky woman who made that gleaming mark on your neck.” He teased retracting his finger.

Tokuma nodded allowing the car to automatically open Neji’s door on the passenger side, “Cool, I don’t mind. Four sharp, Neji.” Neji stepped out of the car placing his bag onto his back, he nodded to Tokuma, in which Tokuma responded with revving the engine before speeding off. Sasuke, upon noticing Neji’s arrival, ran over to the other.

* * *

 

“You really do like to keep me waiting for you jerk.” Sasuke growled but it lacked the bite for Neji to retaliate to, “I saw you sitting in that car for ten minutes flirting with that guy.”

“ _Flirting?_ Tokuma is like a brother to me, just thinking about him that way makes me cringe, Sasuke.” Neji shuddered at the false accusation.

“Say that to him, that, Tokuma, stared after you longingly and let me add suggestively.” They began walking through the courtyard.

“I’d believe that if he didn’t have a child and probably a secret girlfriend.” Neji cleared eyes staring ahead, Sasuke didn’t respond allowing an awkward silence to emit through the air. Neji cleared his throat, “You don’t need to start walking on eggshells because Itachi is back.”

“It’s not that,” Sasuke let out a frustrated sigh running his hand through his black hair, Neji was interested in what it was. “Itachi told me last night, he was going to see you soon. Don’t ask me when, because he just said soon.”

Neji groaned, “I think your brother wants me excommunicated from my family, I don’t want to see him at all, he has troubled me enough.”

“I presume it's to apologize and not rekindle your love.”

“Can’t rekindle something I've disregarded” Neji countered turning the corner in the corridor halting at his class door, “I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Can’t I have things to do.”

“Family or Naruto” Sasuke rolled his eyes, Neji saw through him he knew Sasuke was involved in his families business affairs but it wouldn’t be likely it would be affecting his lunch period.

“ _Uzumaki_ if you must know.”

“Thought so.” He smirked suggestively, “You two are close.”

“He wants me to go get ramen with him.”

“I can’t come?” Neji asked Sasuke shrugged in response, “No thank you, I have studying to do.” Sasuke shrugged him off but Neji noticed the corners of his mouth twitching upwards, Neji bid his goodbyes and entered his class which had started a few minutes before.

“Late again, Hyuuga?” Kakashi observed broadly, clearly uninterested with the job he had as a teacher, “5th time this week.” The class turned towards the long-haired Hyuuga waiting at the door seeking passage.

“Sorry,” Neji announced his stoic expression had painted itself on the Hyuuga’s face, “I don’t know what more you want me to say.”

“Say that you’ll change this bad habit.”

“I will try my best,” Neji answered with a minute smile that could be suggested as a sarcastic gesture but Kakashi ignored it and allowed Neji to sit down by gesturing him to find his chair.

The seats in the room weren’t designated, so he planted himself at the back passing a student that seemed to be eating and the person beside him was sleeping he presumed it was the Nara the teachers spoke ill about because he slept through lectures/lessons but then scored the high in the tests they would give all students. Neji huffed as he sat in his seat, he hated lazy, freeloaders.

If he had a choice he would work for everything he had but it wasn’t possible with a family full of criminals.

It wasn’t possible for him to not listen in classes and not fail an exam; not possible.

He listened intently to Kakashi, who was currently teaching them Advanced Economics, He was one teacher students like Neji could never get the better off. Whatever witty retort they had, he had one better. He took their disobedience and turned into an advantage for himself, but not through belittling them or stamping authority. He liked being normal for a couple of hours a day, Kakashi’s Economic classes was one he could feel like that in.

* * *

 

“I guess that’s all for today,” He closed the book he was handling at the front of the class which confirmed the ending for the class in which students shoved their books in their bags carelessly like wild animals, “I’d like those essays in by the following Friday, no more and no less than ten thousand words.”

Neji observed the class that fled like a pack of wolves like they were inhuman: it all still felt alien to him, five months in. It still felt so new for him, interacting with other people rather than prestige families his uncle did affairs with. Normal People. Neji found himself walking behind the possibly narcoleptic student that he had passed on the journey to find his seat, he was talking to the person he was seated next to. “Don’t be _troublesome_ , Chouji.” The Nara said to the eating baboon, “Ino said she will help you study if you need help, I have stuff to do.”

“You’re smarter.”

“Ino’s just as good.”

“Shika-”

“You’re being troublesome, I’ve only just woke up.” He groaned rubbing his temples, Neji rolled his eyes swiftly passing the two arguing boys.

It was clear that the Nara used the words ‘Troublesome’ He passed the doors leading to the quad to get to the rooftop when it wasn’t windy he studied there until lunch then usually finished studying in the library. Neji used the fire escape doors to get to the roof. The door to the roof was stiff, so he had to give it a few harsh pushes before it finally budged, stumbling on the roof. Had it been always that stiff? He closed the door and walked over to the steps and place his bag down sitting beside it.

“Sasuke was right about you enjoying studying on the roof.” The familiar voice sent a shiver through his body, “Nerdy Neji, that has a ring to it.”

He stood up from the steps he had just sat on as if he had been electrocuted, “You can’t be here, not now. My uncle _will_ kill you.” he warned looking around finally noticing Itachi, in his work attire. Suit and Tie if Neji had been still been a Naive vulnerable teen he was: he would have buckled at the knees, submitting to him. A baleful cackle suppresses from behind Itachi's pearly white teeth while walking over to Neji, the heels of his shoes clicked on the floor as he walked, Each step fumbled with Neji's calm breathing making it irregular.

He spoke with a brazen, yet intimidating voice; booming without a flinch, clasping Neji's free hand bringing it to his lips to planting a longing kiss onto his subtle colored skin. Neji's breath accidentally hitched and a lump got caught in his throat, he wanted to rip his hand away from his grip, but he couldn't. Itachi smirked, “Don't you think we should have a little chat, _sweet Neji?”_

_Oh, gods..._

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song - Colors by Halsey.

 

> 'You were red, and you liked me because I was blue, but you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky. Then you decided purple just wasn't for you.' —Halsey | Colours

* * *

“You and I have nothing to talk about,” Neji removed his tingling hand from Itachi's iron grip, “My uncle has people everywhere, you're just risking your life at this point.” God, he wanted Itachi right now but just wanting him thrilled and repulsed him at the same time. He wanted him to leave him alone but then again he wanted him to not stop bothering him. He wished he had it in him he would have punched him, but he just couldn’t.

“Your uncle can’t kill me, Neji.” He whispered almost menacingly, showing a revolting smirk to Neji, “Your uncle is doing business with father right now and if your uncle knows what’s best for him, no harm shall come my way.” Neji’s eyes widened, there was Sasuke right now to make his brother leave him alone. Tokuma he could just pick him up from college right now; he definitely wouldn’t want Neji to fall back into bad habits.

“I don’t know what to say Itachi,” he confessed he was stunned at Itachi's now risky boldness. “Then say nothing, sweet Neji.” He cupped Neji’s pale cheek brushing his fingers across his skin, “I was forced to lead you on, fathers orders.” Noticing a student entering the supposedly empty rooftop, he pulled away from Itachi’s knowing fingers. “You need to leave.” He sneered. Neji got a clear look of the student as he sneered it was that incompetent Nara.

He definitely didn’t want anything to be seen by someone as possibly loosed-lipped as him. “You shouldn’t be on the premises, the headmistress of the college could get you removed by security,” Neji explained pushing Itachi lightly to indicate he needed to leave.

“You’re so beautiful, stop fighting the love you have for me. It’s not fair to expect yourself to be perfect, don’t do it for your uncle.” Neji tried not to fidget at the endearment, though it was made doubly hard to remain still at how genuine the praise sounded coming from Itachi. The fact that the praise went right to where it most certainly shouldn’t should have made him feel much guiltier than it did, but he found it difficult to feel anything beyond the warm hand on his face, the long hair spilling over his neck, the warmth spreading in his chest from just looking into Itachi’s kind eyes.

“You didn’t deserve this. The world doesn’t deserve a man like you, so willing to accept those around you, flaws and all. So willing to point out another’s worth and not a word of it is genuine.” When Itachi dipped closer once more, he felt his eyes flutter closed, lips ghosting across his forehead as the hand on his shoulder moved across his chest.

“You’ve been doing so well lately. Do you know that?” It was impossible to hide the slight hitch in his breath, though if Itachi noticed he didn’t say. Only ran his hand up his neck, tilting his head further back to kiss the tip of his nose. The Nara boy stood watching as the scene played out as if he had been a spectator, was he trying to find a way to intervene? Probably not Neji could handle his own, he didn't need another person in his life dictating what he does.

“I’ve always been proud of you, Neji.” 

“Do you...” Neji had to force his eyes open, finding it hard to think straight with their breath so close to mingling, wanting nothing more than to tangle a hand in his hair and drag him that final inch closer to devour him. “Do you have any idea of what you do to me?”

Something dark shadowed Itachi’s eyes that send a shiver down Neji’s spine. He didn’t dare put a name to it, already toeing the line of inappropriate like they’d done so many times before, dancing around each other even though they both knew what the other wanted. Itachi’s silence confirmed to Neji what he always knew, “You don’t know a damn thing about what you do to me.” He spat, shoving Itachi harder.

_“Neji.”_

“Leave me alone, I don’t want to see you ever again and if I do I’ll tell Tokuma to kill you himself.” He threatened, glancing for the narcoleptic boy to leave them alone. The boy shrugged and disappeared down the staircase. “Tokuma? He’s still around.”

“Yeah, he still is. He stuck around and didn’t trifle for any information on my family.”

“No. I was told to Neji, family comes first.” He explained trying to justify his actions, “I didn’t expect to—”

“Don’t you dare say that. I meant nothing, I was too stupid and naive and the first person who paid attention to me was you and that was because you had to.” Neji screamed tightening his fists, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He leans down to his bag and reached for his phone and dialed Tokuma. Silently begging him to hurry and pick up, “Tokuma still lusting over you?” Itachi sneered, staring at Neji pathetically. “ _Lusting_? That guy is basically my brother.” He spat.

“Tokuma. Hey.” He turned around for privacy, ”I need you to pick me up, right now. I don’t feel so good.” Shortly After, Tokuma explained he would be there give him a couple of minutes he’d be there at the back gates.

"Leave Me. "Itachi ignored his warnings but followed the long-haired adult towards the doors of the rooftop, "It’s pathetic Itachi, find someone else to bother you’ve caused much more than you’ve received."

"Neji,  _don’t_  walk away from me." Itachi seized Neji’s unmarked wrist twisting it behind his now painfully arched back, Neji whined in pain, “Neji,  _let it go.”_ He snorted _,_ Easier said than done _._

Neji’s eyes became unclean and full of hellfire, instead of the pure, gentle orbs hed usually have. At that moment the remnant of his love passed into hate and loathing, tearing himself away from Itachi. He burst through every open door like he was trying to escape an inescapable labyrinth. He could hear Itachi’s voice ring out to him, “I’ll see you soon, Sweet Neji.” There was something diabolically sweet in his tone, he immediately recoiled.

Itachi was like the plague no matter how hard you avoided it, it would always weasel its way into a persons life but in this analogy, it was Neji’s bitter life.

When within a foot or two of the car door, however, he stopped, as if arrested by some irresistible force. Then he turned, and his face was shown in the clear burst of the sunlight, his face was reddened and flushed, eyes glossy and clearly undeniably angry.

Tokuma opened the door for him and waved him in, “Neji, Get in.” 

Neji stepped into the car, obedient with his gesture, securing his seatbelt before quietly breathing. There was a long spell of silence, big, aching, void, in the vehicle. And so for a full half a minute, which seemed an eternity, the silence was broken, his bottom lip quivered alerting Tokuma. 

* * *

_“Neji?”_

 At the call of his name, the tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down Neji's face. He can feel the muscles of his chin tremble like a small child and Neji doesn't try making eye contact with Tokuma but looks toward the window to his side, as if the light would console him but it couldn't not now.

"H-hey, don't cry. Tell me what's wrong?" He removed his seatbelt and moved over to Neji, wiping his tears but they wouldn't stop cascading down his face. 

He didn't care who saw the car was still on the street near his college. He just broke down. The sobs punched through, ripping through his muscles, bones, and guts.

"Itachi. That's what's wrong, I'm still a guileless child no matter my age.”

"Don’t say that, Neji," Tokuma argued. 

"Itachi after all of the years still makes me feel—I just can’t,"

Tokuma growled cupping Neji's cheeks forcing him to look at him, "Forget about him, his a sleazy know-it-all Neji, You can do so much better." 

"I just want to—to forget, everything we had and were."

"Find someone else that will treasure and value you for more than just family secrets." Tokuma smiled wiping Neji's drying tears from his cheeks, Neji was so grateful for Tokuma he made sure he always thanked him for his hospitality and being a shoulder for him to cry on, just like a loveable brother.

He smiled at Tokuma silent thanking him, "You okay now?"

He shifted in his seat, remembering what Sasuke and Itachi had earlier said to him about Tokuma, "Tokuma..."

"What’s wrong? something else?"

"I don't know what I would do without you, I love you very much." Neji hugged Tokuma tightly, planting his face in his neck, rubbing against it as if he were an animal scenting him, "I wish you were my real brother, you could be there all the time. You're the closest thing I have for family, right now."

Tokuma laughed in his ear threading his fingers through his hair, "You are my brother Neji—a bit too close." he sighed, "But I will inform Hiashi of Itachi's arrival."

"No-" Neji shouted before noticing Tokuma's strained face, "His father is doing business with my uncle, he must have been earlier notified."

”Want to go home? Or we can do something else to clear your mind.” Tokuma suggested, making Neji smile at his caring nature.

 ”Something to clear my godforsaken plagued mind, clear my mind will you, Tokuma?”

”We can go to your fathers grave, so you can speak to him?” 

“If you don’t mind, I’d like that very much.”

Tokuma bit his lip, “I don’t Neji, I’d do anything for you.”

”As would I.” He whispered back looking straight ahead as Tokuma started his car before speeding in the direction of the cemetery, he needed to get his dads advice even though he was deceased.

* * *

 

He remembered his fathers funeral, men suited inappropriate black funeral attire. Women, he did not recognize, in black skimpy dresses which they possibly were escorts. He recalls Hinata and Hanabi standing beside him, they were shedding buckets of tears where he stared at the coffin being lowered down into the ground. Six feet approximately; nobody could bother him now.

Hiashi was standing beside his daughters with a few of his lackeys beside him, Neji held back a growl and bite to give Hiashi a piece of his mind, sending his father to his inevitable death.

They threw roses and dirt upon his coffin saying short messages like postscripts at the end of a letter. I’ll miss you, we won’t forget you, all pointless and meaningless. His father never mentioned knowing not one of the imposters there, Neji never met them before but they sure gave him half-assed condolences.

Once the funeral ended, Neji watched as the black hearse slowly wended its way down the central lane followed by a procession of black limousines. He was escorted home by Tokuma, Neji couldn’t stomach the thought of sitting beside Hiashi after finding out such news of his fathers' death.

* * *

 

When Tokuma pulls up to the cemetery Neji glances at the time on his phone it was nearing five in the evening. The sun was setting and collapsing forming the darkness, Neji opened the passenger door, “Give me half-an-hour I’ll be back Tokuma, stay in the car.”

“Sure, call me if you get lost or anything.”

“I will.” He smiled closing the door behind him and stalked his way towards the cemeteries black gates, coated with specs of gold.

* * *

 

Rows of tombstones stood erect in silence to the left and right, in front and behind, like a sea of the dead. Some were crumbled with the weathering of centuries, some were smooth marble with new black writing and laid with floral tributes.

Most though, were overgrown and unkempt, for now, even their mourners had joined them under the clay soil. An upon the hill a new grave had been dug to await its new occupant.

He finally found his fathers plaque, kneeling before it with a small wavering smile, moving the dead flowers from his Name he smiled sheepishly, “Sorry I haven’t come in a while.”

He shivered as the breeze flew past his ear whistling, he felt he was obligated to give a reason, “I have been in college, studying. I’m sorry I haven’t made much time for you.”

He knew there was going to be no response but he ran his fingers across his father's name, In loving memory of Hizashi Hyuuga, “I’m such a bad son, I’ve missed you and I hadn’t bothered to come and visit.”

_I can’t remember your voice._

One day turns into a week, a week into a month, a month turns into several months, he had left his father all alone in a graveyard full of strangers.

_I can’t remember your scolding voice when you’d shout at me._

“I’ve been doing well at college studying, I want to become something more and differentiate from the families line of work.” Neji brushed away the stray hairs from his face and the loose leaves scattered on top of the headstone, “I know this may anger you, but you said once ‘Do What makes you happy.’ So I am, I will.”

_I can’t remember your warm voice when you’d praise me._

He bit his lip as he spoke to his fathers grave; a cold inanimate object, instead of his father. “I’ve run into some trouble lately, with the Uchiha boy you had disliked, he had gotten under my skin.”

He mumbled, “I know how much you hated my short temper but you didn’t know but I was once infatuated with him—intimately, it was after you passed I needed someone and he was someone. I was someone stupid and he was someone who had other intentions.” He clawed at the fabric covering his legs, “He tricked me, he tried to take down _our_ family but Uncle seems to have forgiven him and I am the blame. But was it my fault? I was at fault because _I fell in love_.” His eyes threatened to let tears drop onto his fathers grave.

_I can't remember the soft tone in your voice when you'd praise me._

Love, that’s all he had for Itachi. A twister of words and betrayer, he fell in love with a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The Uchiha were to be trusted but he wasn’t.

“I thought he loved me, he keeps on saying he does. Saying he loves me but I don’t believe him, maybe—“ Neji’s voice paused as he heard the crunching of fresh autumn leaves and sticks, he glanced around him. His eyes scanned the area surrounding him, the vast majority of the ground was covered with peoples loved ones, “Was that you?” He jokes at his fathers grave; he knows he won’t respond.

_I can’t hear your voice at all, anymore._

“Couldn’t have been, we must have visitors. Visitors don’t usually come in the evening.” Neji stood up from his kneeling position glancing around again, “I’ll see you soon dad.” He bowed at his fathers grave and walked down the isle of graves.

While walking he heard someone, a male, speaking, to a companion perhaps.

‘Mom’s not doing so good she puts on a convincing brave face but I can see, if you were here you would see,’ A man was talking to a family relative who had passed, Neji couldn’t see where the soft but raspy voice was coming from. He got a sense of where the direction was so headed toward it.

‘I’m doing okay, thanks for asking’ A short gruffly laugh could be heard, the guy had a sense of humor, the dead could have been heard laughing if it wasn’t for the howling wind, ‘I still play Shogi with Asuma-Sensei, he teaches me a lot on the weekends. It’s getting late I should get going. Mom needs me, she’s cooking your favorite.’

Neji was sure he heard the man mention the dish, Yakisoba, he’d eaten it once or twice. He smiled when he had finally come across a crouching figure next to a headstone. 

The posture showed the man was tired and had extreme fatigue, his hair was pulled back into a pony-tail and if Neji’s eyes served him right he had two small silver earrings. He was dressed in some black jeans and a Grey sweatshirt with a white t-shirt skimming outside the edges of the hoodie, from the clothes Neji presumed the man was fairly young.

The man cleared his throat and stood up and started to walk away, Neji wanted to head in the same direction and trail but the man had halted in his journey turning around startling Neji, though he had seen it coming. It was the Nara from class and the roof earlier, Neji felt incredibly stupid.

“Your eyes gave it away, piercing in the back of me. Your light on your feet but not that light, I could hear the leaves subtly crunching under the pressure,” the Nara observed with a hand massaging his chin.

Neji rolled his eyes, “Quite the observer, huh? I’ve seen you too many times today, you’ve been working me out?” He accused but it was a harmless accusation but still held a bit of Neji’s bite.

The Nara tutted making Neji’s eyes widen, Neji observed that this Nara clearly held no Manners, he flicked his burnt out cigarette, Neji had never noticed, on the cold grass and mud mixture and shrugged. “Neji is it? I heard that guy on the roof say it.”

“Yeah I guess you did, you were lurking around for quite a while.”

“I like watching people in there natural habitats.” What an unimaginable excuse Neji rolled his lilac eyes as he caught the Nara smiling at his own remark.

“Your Shikamaru Nara: a lazy, borderline Narcoleptic student. Quite the description, it explains a lot.” Neji shrugged folding his lean arms across his clothed chest, “Why are you here in the evening?”

“I finished work a few hours ago, I wanted to see my dad, you?”

“I needed to speak to my father.” He confessed biting his lip, he looked down to his phone it displayed five thirty. He glanced up to the yawning Nara, “I felt like I needed to see him, catch up.”

“I get it, I come here when I get the chance to. I procrastinate a lot and neglect him.” Neji wanted to agree and say he does the same thing but he didn’t want to be portrayed as a neglectful person regarding leaving his father alone.

“Nara, I have to leave. My friend is waiting for me out front.”

“The Mercedes? Long haired punk in the driver's seat?”

“Yeah Mercedes and the punk is a very close friend, shouldn’t you have more respect for people you don’t know. You’re creating a bad image for yourself.” Neji said placing his phone in the rear pocket of his jeans. 

“Close friend? The guy on the roof seemed angry about something was it because you were so close with your friend?” He inquired.

Neji groaned, what was everyone’s fascination regarding Tokuma being intimate with him, he couldn’t help it when a growl slipped, “Friends mean friends, doesn’t it. Displayed in the title.”

Shikamaru mumbled ‘troublesome’ before smiling, “I guess, so was that guy was your boyfriend?”

“What’s it to you?” Neji countered.

“Nothing, just wondering. You don’t look particularly straight?” Shikamaru’s onyx eyes clambered and raked over Neji’s body his eyes lingered momentarily but then they ran back to his face, “My gaydar is particularly good and the way he was touching you and the way you acted in response was highly inappropriate for a heterosexual male.”

“I’ll see you later, my friend is waiting.” Neji navigated his body in the direction of the north exit, raising a hand he said, “I’ll see you in class or something. Bye.”

* * *

He wandered back to the vehicle hoping into the car, “Took your time? Why are you smiling?” Smiling? He was absentmindedly smiling at nothing at least nothing he thought but Tokuma thought otherwise.

“I liked speaking to my dad, I told him about Itachi and I. What we used to be and what we are now and I told him I would stop neglecting him.” Neji sighed.

“You really did offload onto him.”

“Yeah, I did.”

He looked out of the window and watched the street lamps pass him, though the car was moving and the lamps were Stationary and stood erect firm in the ground. He felt as if a weight had been lifted though his father couldn't respond Neji knew he was there for him but the only thing that seemed uncanny was the Nara boy called Shikamaru.

_I remember your voice vaguely._  

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my ShikaNeji Fanfiction. I hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed typing it, I would love your criticism so I can adapt my work and form it into something better. 
> 
> Leave Kudos and comments if you enjoy it! 
> 
> ~ Inuzukas_Bitch x


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